A few weeks ago, I had the absolute honour of being a bridesmaid for a lovely couple. It was such a fabulous day, and a wonderful thing to be a part of.
However, I shocked myself a little, with some of the thoughts that went through my head on the day, and some of the things I faced…
Before I start though, I want to make it very clear none of this is to go against anyone in the wedding party, or who was a part of that day – especially the bride and groom. I didn’t speak to anyone about any of this until after the wedding, and everyone has been nothing but eager to listen since! I had such a truly wonderful day there, and honestly had forgotten about my hearing aids most of the time, and by the evening do, all my worries had disappeared as I was having such a good time!
Getting your hair and makeup done, and getting ready, it’s always a fun part, exciting! We all had these gorgeous up dos, with lovely, little face framing pieces at the front – but when asked if I wanted some extra hair kept forward to blend in with my fringe, I found myself saying something I’d not even considered in years, if ever - I said, “yes please, I want it to cover my hearing aids”.
Now can we just appreciated for a moment, everything that those words hold!
I have never been the sort of person who hid or was embarrassed by their hearing aids. I’ve had some rather embarrassing moments, yes, but not because of my appearance of my hearing aids. I never said or thought it when I had an up do for my prom in 2016, so I have to ask, why now?
To be completely honest, I couldn’t tell you. But it’s a question I’m starting to ask myself. It’s something I wanted to share though as I always say, “don’t be embarrassed, show them off, don’t hide them”, but I did all of that – I felt very hypocritical.
That wasn’t the only thought though. Throughout the day I found myself blaming myself for inaccessibility and telling myself the fact I couldn’t hear wasn’t important, it didn’t matter; I was a minor thing on this big day.
But that isn’t true!
What may seem so small in comparison to everything else going on, whether it be a large event, or an everyday situation, is my whole world. My everyday life.
If I let myself think this here, right now, what does that say about me? I’m always talking about pushing for awareness, education, and more accessibility – so why wasn’t I actually doing it when it came to facing it? Was it because I was afraid of upsetting or offending someone? Is it because I think it’s rude to?
I asked myself endless questions, thinking of some way to change, to make it right. So, when the opportunity came, I spoke up.
A staff member who worked at the venue on the day had come across my blog and sign language page on Instagram and got in contact. They did something that honestly touched my heart but took me back that someone had even considered to ask!
“How was the wedding experience for you? And what could I have done differently/better for any guest with hearing loss?”
That right there made me stop. The fact they had stopped and taken time out of their day to think about how something that doesn’t affect them, could have had an effect on someone else! Isn’t that just wonderful?
So, I took the opportunity and gave feedback. I told them that there was nothing personally they could have done, but if they could feedback to the venue that would be fantastic, to which they said of course. Here are a few:
While from where I was sat, I was able to lipread most of the groom’s vows, I unfortunately missed all the brides, and what the registrar said. However, I completely understand why they face each other (for vows, ring exchange, etc), for that moment of intimacy, it’s about them. I dread to think had it been after restrictions came in about all guests wearing masks in the ceremony, it would have been a different story and struggle again.
Although for the speeches later on, a microphone was used, it wasn’t loud enough for me, and there was only one speaker in one place in the room – those with hearing loss benefit from a more surround sound, multiple speakers, or even turning up the volume. These are things that if brought up can be improved for future guests who may also face the same struggle.
It feels like I’ve rambled on a lot here, so I wanted to sum everything up and put into points what I hope people will take away from this post instead!
Not everything is as it always seems on social media or in real life – I get insecure about my hearing loss and hearing aids sometimes, I’m not always this confident person who will always speak up when something is not accessible for me, or fully embrace my hearing loss. I aim to be, I try to be, I encourage others to be, but we all have off days, and that’s okay, we try again next time.
It’s okay to think “selfishly” sometimes – because truth is it’s not being selfish, it’s asking for equal opportunities and accessibility as everyone else.
Taking a second to consider others and something that doesn’t affect you can mean a lot and go a long way with someone – not often do we consider things that don’t affect us personally, but in doing so, you could have such a positive impact on someone’s day someone’s life; it’s something I’m going to aspire to do a lot more this year.
So, this year I’m challenging myself to speak up more, embrace my hearing loss and hearing aids again, become confident with that part of me, my deaf identity. But also take the time to consider things that affect others, even if they don’t directly affect me, and I hope this will encourage you to do the same too!
Happy New Year everyone!!!