I’ve had hearing aids since I was 4 years old. That’s quite a few years considering I’m 21. So, I’ve had several sets of hearing aids in that time, but each time you’re never as prepared as you want to be.
So last week I was lucky enough to finally get some new hearing aids after five years (and new moulds after three year)! After the struggles over the last year with masks, combined with the decline in the function of my hearing aids, I was praying for new ones that just simply, worked.
But there’s always that dread, nervousness, especially as I’ve got older. Everyone thinks you’ll be so happy and excited, which don’t get me wrong, I always am, but that’s not all.
You see, there’s a side of it that people don’t talk about. One that only those who go through it can understand, and even if you do experience changing hearing aids, everyone’s experience is different, so you can’t every truly understand it. I’d never expect anyone to.
Think of it as a new pair of shoes. You have to break them in, right? They can be stiff, a bit uncomfortable, maybe even give you blisters, but the more you wear them, the more you break them in, and eventually they become like a second layer of skin, so comfortable. Well think of hearing aids like that.
The moulds hurt because they’re new, and tight and the edges are still sharp, and they scratch. Sounds are different, you can hear things you’ve never heard before, you’re disorientated – it’s a whole new world.
This time round, I changed from a child’s hearing aid (as I’d got them in 2017 when I was still under child’s services), to the adult version. Now, I never knew there was such a thing as “child versions” and “adult versions”, not until last week anyways, but hey we learn something new every day! And as it turns out, there truly is a difference in the quality of the sound too!
Children’s hearing aids tend to mainly just amplify sounds, make them louder. Whereas adults tend to sharpen sound, rather than make it louder.
I remember getting new hearing aids when I was 9, getting in the car and hearing the car engine for the first time – it was just…so loud! Now, it’s totally normal – apparently it was before to everyone else, but we move aha!
This time round, I could hear the clicking of a mouse at a computer; the rustle of the apron the audiologist was wearing; the sound of water splashing on the sink when I washed my hands in the bathroom; some parts of “sh” and “th” sounds. Nothing was perfect, but it was so much clearer than ever before. It was rather emotional, and I knew within seconds it was going to take a while to get used to.
That evening, I went to watch the football with some friends – within an hour I was exhausted. Not tired, but physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted in every way possible. There were too many sounds to process! Cutlery clinking; sounds of people speaking; rain pattering – things I’d never quite heard before; everything was sharper. I made the mistake of thinking I’d be able to adjust in just a few hours.
It’s something you can’t explain to someone, especially those who are hearing (no offence!!!). But how do you say and explain, “every part of me is drained and exhausted in every way possible because I can hear sounds, and right now I’m not particularly ecstatic about it all, I want to go home, have a cry and sleep for several hours to recover”?
It’s isolating, it’s lonely, it’s frustrating, it sounds ungrateful – and yet it is absolutely 100% true, okay and valid to feel that way!!! Even now I’m still learning to speak up and say when I need a time out from sounds, and listening, because I think there’s no point, because people won’t get it! But you can, you should, don’t push yourself too hard just because someone else doesn’t experience something how you do!
But I’ve never known anyone to speak out about this. Talk about the truth of those appointments and the weeks to follow. So I’m speaking now, because I’m sure I can’t be the only one to feel this way.
Right now, a week and a half on, I’m past the stage where shoe’s blister. They’re not painful, but I still need to slide them off and give it a break for a minute or two every now and then to be able to make it through the day – but they’re better than that first day.
I’m not trying to put people off getting new hearing aids, not at all, they’re incredible! Technology is always advancing, developing new devices, and I’m hearing some strange and wonderful new sounds, or sounds of a new version – but that doesn’t mean that new hearing aids and all those new sounds are sunshine and rainbows, there’s rain and sometimes a storm, but after a while it settles.
And whatever you feel, however you get through it and cope with it – it’s okay. Even if no one else understands, even your closest friends and family, how you feel is valid and its okay. You will make it through it, it will get easier – just allow yourself time to adjust and adapt. Don’t be too hard on yourself! I’m still learning to, 18 years on – but that’s okay too. Just know you’re truly not alone in it all. Someone, somewhere understand you!