I have been in touch with a wonderful young lady called Amy, who has a fabulous blog of her own, which inspired me to start my own. We talked about things that we felt hearing people just couldn’t understand. So, I have here my top five things that people say that annoy me as a deaf person; because you can’t get people to change their view or how they treat you if you don’t tell them it isn’t okay!
1. “It doesn’t matter”
When I don’t hear what you say and I ask you to repeat, it doesn’t mean I’m not listening, I just missed it the first time. I feel left out when people say this, as if they just dismiss me, as if I’m not in on what they say and not important enough to just repeat it to. It doesn’t take long to repeat, and it can make a difference; make myself feel included.
2. “Just because you’re deaf doesn’t mean everyone else is”
This one is usually meant to be a joke, but often it can come across as annoying (for me, and it sounding like you’re annoyed with me) and a little hurtful. A lot of the time I don’t notice I’m speaking as loud as to me it sounds like an acceptable volume. So, if you do need me to talk quieter, just ask me politely!
3. “What kind of Deaf are you? Are you proper Deaf, or do you wear hearing aids?”
This one just highlights the lack of understanding and knowledge about Deaf and hard of hearing people in society. Some may use sign language, some may speak (with or without speech impediment, it doesn’t make a difference, they still speak), or some both. People and their deafness are all different/individual, but that doesn’t mean their deafness impacts them any less or more if they can hear some sounds compared to someone who cannot hear at all.
4. “Can you understand what I’m saying?”
People tend to do this while shouting/screaming right up close in your face. Most likely answer is not really as I cannot lip read you if you are inches away from my face. This tends to happen right after I tell people that I have bilateral hearing loss and wear hearing aids in both ears, up until that point you and I had been having a regular conversation sat facing each other, had I not been able to understand you I would have said for sure. In all honesty, it takes a lot of control not to laugh when people do this as it happens more than you think, and people usually look really silly doing it. But despite the laughter, it’s something that can also be annoying!
5. “It’s just a joke”
There’s a fine line between making a joke, and taking it too far so it becomes hurtful. Don’t get me wrong, I make deaf jokes about myself all the time, but when the same people do it all the time, laughing at you and not with you, then it becomes old and annoying. “Everyone else does it” is a common response if you call someone up on it, and I don’t think it’s an acceptable excuse. It’s something that I’ve found even your closest and dearest friends don’t understand sometimes. Not having people understand or on your side in this situation can make you feel lonely or that “you’re overacting” - which is another common response - but I have now met two others who are bilateral hearing aid wearers like myself, and they said they’d felt the same, that it was completely acceptable about how I viewed it, and my feelings were valid. I cannot stress enough – it is not okay to laugh at someone or continuously make unkind comments or “jokes” about someone!
A reason I started my blog was so that when someone felt lonely and on their own in situations others didn’t understand, there was someone who did. I’d always be happy for anyone to get in touch if you just need a friend to understand them. My main point to get across is, try think about what you say before you say it!!!